The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
