matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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