I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
