We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
