I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
