Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
