So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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