I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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