she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
