If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize