Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
