I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize