Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
