wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
