I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize