Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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