Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize