This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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