I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
