I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
