girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
