Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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