first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
