My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
