just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
vagina is talking i cant
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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