it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize