this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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