He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
