I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
