you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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