Just fell off a train. Bad.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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