We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
