please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
