bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
