it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
