I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
