Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
