I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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