I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
