Got a toothbrush?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
