God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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