she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
