Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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