genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
