Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
