College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
