I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
