I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
