you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
