ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
