I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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