This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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