Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
