lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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