There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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