We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
