i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
