so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
