Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
