i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
