He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
