I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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