That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
