me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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