I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
