Dude my mom stole all your condoms
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
