Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
