Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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