first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
